When I go out to meet the light, the shadow of my body follows me, but the shadow of my spirit precedes me and leads the way to an unknown place
- Kahlil Gibran

Sunday, June 22, 2008

A Theory of Soulmates

I am reading a novel these days since I have the time.  In it there is a fascinating theory of Soulmates that is shared between a wise woman who knows the art of magic and a young girl.  I am reproducing it here on my Blog:

'We are eternal because we are all manifestations of God,' Wicca said.  'That is why we go through many lives and deaths, emerging out of some unknown place and going towards another equally unknown place.  You must get used to the fact that there are many things in magic which are not and never will be explained.  God decided to do certain things in a certain way and why He did this is a secret known only to Him.'

'The Dark Night of Faith,' thought Brida.  So it existed in the Tradition of the Moon as well.

'The fact is that when this happens,' Wicca went on.  'And when people think of reincarnation, they always come up against a very difficult question: if, in the beginning, there were so few people on the face of the Earth, and now there are so many, where did all those new souls come from?'

Brida held her breath.  She had asked herself this question many times.

'The answer is simple,' said Wicca, after pausing to savour the young girl's eager silence.  'In certain reincarnations, we divide into two.  Our souls divide as do crystals and stars, cells and plants.'

'Our soul divides in two, and those new souls are in turn transformed into two and so, within a few generations, we are scattered over a large part of Earth.'

'And does only one of those parts know who it is?' asked Brida.  She had many questions to ask, but she wanted to ask them one at a time, and this seemed the most important.  

'We form part of what the alchemists call the Anima Mundi, the Soul of the World,' said Wicca, without replying to the question.  'The truth is that if the Anima Mundi were merely to keep dividing, it would keep growing, but it would also become gradually weaker.  That is why, as well as dividing into two, we also find ourselves.  And that process of finding ourselves is called Love.  Because when a soul divides, it always divides into a male part and a female part.'

'That's how the book of Genesis explains it: the soul of Adam was split in two, and Eve was born out of him.'

Wicca stopped suddenly and sat looking at the cards scattered on the table.

'There are many cards,' she said, 'but they're all part of the same deck.  In order to understand their message, we need them all, all are equally important.  So it is with souls.  Human beings are all interlinked, like the cards in this deck.

'In each life, we feel a mysterious obligation to find at least one of these Soulmates.  the Greater Love that separated them feels pleased with the Love that brings them together again.'

'But how will I know who my Soulmate is?' Brida felt that this was one of the most important questions she had ever asked in her life.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Another restless night

Yesterday I met another person that fascinated me during dinner.  After exchanging introductions and pleasantries I soon realized that she is another active seeker on a path of her own.  What makes her exceptional to me is that she is Muslim thus challenging the notion of mine that Muslims are too ideological and unyielding in their beliefs to ease up enough on them to make an honest effort to find the Truth.  To take that responsibility upon oneself requires a willingness to accept that one's beliefs may very well be the source of their suffering.  This woman had  been to Hindu temples, Buddhist temples and churches to locate God that is unheard of in a person whose religious doctrine frowns mightily upon any such deviations of faith.  This woman is a rebel and her somewhat peevish mannerisms drew my attention and once the subject turned to spirituality she held my focus for the rest of the evening.  

That night at about 1 am I was awakened for no apparent reason.  Subsequent efforts to return to sleep proved futile, each sleep transition was thwarted by an gasping, abrupt jolt of panic.  I felt a sense of unease that I was not alone in the room and that something was trying to invade my being.  I remembered my first night in Madrid in that hotel room with my friend Lorena.  At that time I had the same sense of unease and it resulted in a stark paralysis that was terrifying and only broken by Lorena's intervention.  This time there was no one in the room to rouse me from that state if it occurred again.  I thought of the girl that I had met earlier that night, could she have something to do with this encounter?  She as well as Lorena both seemed to be on a higher spiritual plane than most people.  Was this presence that I felt a consequence of my meeting such people?  I recalled that Lorena too was unable to sleep that night.  I picked up my phone a typed a text message to the girl that I had met to ask her if she was having trouble sleeping but I did not send the message, I felt it was a little too weird since we had just met.   I got out of bed and occupied myself in the kitchen then laid in the family room by the window where immediately outside there was the junction of a brightly lit shopping boulevard and major street.  Though mostly devoid of activity, the light from the hotel and high rises across the street provided enough comfort for me to fall asleep without interruption.

The next morning I spoke with my father, I asked him how he had slept during the night.  I was stunned to hear his response, "I didn't sleep that well, there seemed to be an entity or something in the apartment...".  I could scarcely believe that he said that when I had not spoken anything of my own restlessness.  This sort of thing simply doesn't happen to people like me, the most ordinary guy who until 3 months ago was living the most ordinary life.  It is going to be a lot more difficult to dismiss my nocturnal feeling of unease as my imagination from now on.  

Monday, June 16, 2008

The current state of affairs

Returning to Malaysia I am aware of an uneasiness among the people here.  There seems to be much to worry about these days.  I have lived in this country for 16 years and I've never seen such unease.  The crime rate is higher than ever before, it seems everyone has either direct or indirect experience of theft or robbery or assault.  The price of food is escalating, the government is racist, traffic is getting ludicrous, the weather is getting hotter, unemployment is rising and the cost of gas is exorbitant.  The cost of gas here is pegged by the Malaysian government and rarely adjusts.  The government had promised to hold the price of gas constant in the country until next year; however a week ago it was increased unexpectedly by 40%.  Immediately there were incredulously long lines at the gas pumps as people jostled for hours just to save a few dollars.   

How do we maintain our healthy minds, bodies and spirit let alone our relationships with our loved ones with shrinking personal time and growing demands of ourselves?  

A friend of mine spoke with me last week.  It was an emotional conversation for her since she was communicating the poor health of her father following his heart surgery.  Her mother and her had consulted a seer who told them that he had a year or two left to live.  They were convinced about this but had not told him.  She said she was really cherishing the time with him left and was maximizing their time together and allowing him all the freedom to be and choose as he wished.  I reflected about this, who among us knows when this life of ours will be up?  Or how many of us know with certainty the number of days left with someone before they are taken away forever?  I questioned if it was fair not to tell him what they believed to be the amount of time he had left.  She said that he knew also.  "How do you know that he knows?", I asked.  In response, she recalled the recent event of the gas price hike which was unprecedentedly large.  Each time that a price increase had previously occurred her father would call her immediately and tell her to get in line at the gas pumps.  "This time I was waiting for his call but it never came", she said.  "He waited for me to come home instead, that is how I know that he knows".  

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Breaking my pain barrier

I am staying at my parent's apartment in MidValley city Kuala Lumpur. I have been enjoying their company since I arrived here in Malaysia.  Soon they shall return to China where my father works as an expatriate.  One of the perks of staying here at this apartment is the fabulous location across the street from 2 malls. In one mall (MidValley) I get to do my boxing workout in the gym, and in the other mall (The Gardens) I get to do yoga practically throughout the day at the yoga studio.

Yesterday I went for a 30 minute massage at the Thai spa downstairs. It was for my neck and shoulders and I expected tender, soothing and loving strokes.  Instead I received 30 minutes of intense agony during which time I did my best not to whimper nor express any discomfort.  I think my efforts to remain stoic only inspired the masseuse to dig deeper, I am absolutely convinced that she took satisfaction in making me raise my head and pound my fist on the floor. I had always thought that it was not possible to stay conscious and experience that level of pain. In fact, I never knew that pain could reach that high.  I didn't actually burst into tears but I experienced a sudden onset of Tourret's syndrome which abated only 30 minutes after she was finished.  Well, does it count as Tourret's if you don't actually vocalize the cussing?  I don't know.  

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Turning the page

My heart grieves. I sit here in the departure lounge awaiting my boarding announcement and I feel utterly exhausted emotionally and physically. Physically because of the effort to pack and haul my belongings. Emotionally because I am grieving over the people I have come to love but now am leaving behind. Today I said too many goodbyes to too many dear, dear people close to my heart. When I came to California, I never thought my friends could mean so much to me. Right now I feel that I have lost half my world.