When I go out to meet the light, the shadow of my body follows me, but the shadow of my spirit precedes me and leads the way to an unknown place
- Kahlil Gibran

Thursday, August 28, 2008

At last - my soulmate

After years of waiting most of my life, I've finally found my Soulmate.  Chino is the wrong gender and species, and although he's a dog we share a special bond.  He belongs to my friend and whenever we meet he goes ape$hit with happiness at the sight of me, totally ignoring my friend much to her chagrin.  In fact he can barely contain his joy that he resorts to making spastic leaps and snorting sounds of delight around me.  Then once he's calmed down a few notches after a few scoldings from his mommy (my friend), he introduces me to his assortment of stuffed toys and we play tug of war and fetch.  Apparently he is only this way with me and it is clear that he loves me more than my friend, so it must mean that we've known each other in a previous lifetime.  Maybe I sacrificed my life to save his once, I don't know.  I'd need to do some past life regression hypnotherapy to learn more, either that or learn to speak 'bark' because I swear sometimes he's trying to tell me something other than "throw the toy" or "tickle my tummy now please".

Chino - my Soulmate:

Monday, August 25, 2008

Healing Hands

A few days ago I learned Reiki.  The opportunity to learn Reiki came to me by an invitation from a yoga instructor at the yoga studio I go to.  At the time most of me did not believe this could work, I've had Reiki properly done on me once in a flea market in southern California and it did not knock me off my chair so to speak.  Since then without further reinforcement, my mind dismissed the mildly fascinating experience as a trick of the mind.  We have a tendency to remember only the details that reinforce our deepest beliefs, and my deepest beliefs were restricted to the phenomena that science could explain with a formula because of my undergraduate studies in physics.    

A few days ago when I learned Reiki the old model of belief took a huge beating.  Six of us gathered at a yoga studio - five students and one Reiki Master.  I walked in expecting a magician in robes but the Reiki master seemed benign and ordinary, actually just like your typical middle aged Asian housewife.  The yoga studio however was prepped quite nicely, an OM chant was playing and lavender incense was burning to cleanse the energy of the room.  We sat on blankets and Anne briefed us on the history, principles and theory of Reiki.  I was heartened to learn that according to one account of the discovery of Reiki, the original master was a dean of a Christian school in Kyoto, Japan named Dr. Usui whose original quest was to learn how Jesus could heal in miraculous ways.  Learning this was affirmation that here surely was another stepping stone on my quest to find the Truth.  

The Reiki ability is not grown gradually and it is not dependent on individual talent, it is simply passed from teacher to student in an attunement process, hence anyone can learn it.  First we performed a brief meditative and visualization procedure to cleanse our chakras, then Anne transfered the Reiki energy to us.   For this we sat in a chair with closed eyes, our feet on the floor and hands clasped in a prayer position over our chests while she did her magic stuff.  It was during this part of the attunement that I felt a very strong distinct tingling sensation over my head, throat and heart chakras.  Until that moment I had questioned the existence of chakras and so it startled me, in my mind I saw a twinkling burst of yellow light.  For the rest of that day, I was tingling and pulsing in certain chakral locations along my spine.  

Once we were attuned, we practiced on each other.  The client would lie down and the practitioner would place his/her hands at certain locations on the body.  If healing was needed the hands would either tingle, grow hot or very cold.  The new practitioner that treated me accurately located the areas in my body where I knew I was hurt or weak.  I could also verify the sensations in his hands as he described them to the class.  When it was time for me to treat my friend, my skepticism took over as I placed my hands on her.  Yet by the end of the treatment skepticism was replaced by wonder.  

That night I awoke at 3am and could not return to sleep, I felt too alert and there was a clarity in me that I could not recall ever knowing.  So I Ascended hoping that it would help me sleep.  During my meditation I felt a great calmness descend and my body dissolve.  I have never been in such a pleasurable blissful state.  I did not want it to end. 

I will conclude this journal entry with the Reiki Principles/Ideals as guidelines for living a gracious life and virtues worthy of practice for their inherent value.  From my manual:

  1. Just for today, I will let go of anger.
  2. Just for today, I will let go of worry.
  3. Just for today, I will give thanks for my many blessings.
  4. Just for today, I will do my work honestly.
  5. Just for today, I will be kind to my neighbor and every living being.

Note my previous post in which principle i. was tested, I'm a little sheepish about that one.  

A Free Lesson

Today I threw a major rant against God which is typical whenever things go bad in series.  It occurred on my way downtown to receive my shipment from California.  I had been keeping them in storage until a place to move the items into became available.  I was upset because I was late, and I was late because though I had caught a cab early I had to return home midway to retrieve the keys to the apartment that I was moving the items into.  To make matters worse, the cab driver couldn't wait for me after he dropped me back in MidValley because he didn't have enough gas to get downtown at that point.  So I had to get back in line for a cab again... and by the time I got to the apartment downtown what had been 30 mins early had become 30 mins late.  

Why was I upset with God, well because I was supposed to be more capable of living life with each step along the Bright Path.  The logic being with less mental clutter comes clarity of thought, and therefore correct action.  Instead I could see my parents shaking their heads at me in chastisement, "See?  You still haven't learned to do things right."  But as it tends to be with events we judge as bad and consequently make us angry or fill us with guilt, with more time comes understanding so that eventually a different opinion evolves.  Often we even become grateful.  In this situation a long time was not needed to realize how my anger and fears were unjustified, when I got there instead of finding an upset crew of shippers I received a message telling me that they weren't arriving for another hour.  And so I received a harmless but effective lesson in prioritization and yet another reminder to surrender to events that I can't alter.  Hey maybe this was my first mini miracle...??

As for my possessions from California, each one of the 73 pieces made the journey.  But, two of my cherished major items of furniture took a bad hit.  One was a copper top half moon table that now looks like a 2/5 moon table and the other was some surface damage to a double dresser.  I was overall pleased to see that my furniture complimented the new apartment very well.  I guess it was the right decision not to sell off everything as I had originally intended to do.  Whoever rents the place will be thankful as well.  

I'm sitting here on my bed and I'm feeling a certain sense of peace that had been missing for many months now since the day I put my items in boxes and watched them loaded onto a truck.  Wow, it sure feels good to delete this spot of worry in the back of my mind.    

Sunday, August 17, 2008

How to Perform Miracles

I am reading a big book called A Course in Miracles.  It is over 600 pages thick and actually is a guide on how to become a sort of miracle worker and perform selfless extraordinary feats in the name of love that defy time and space.  I started this book a week ago.

This book originates from the US but it has international recognition and the fact that a teacher is available here in Malaysia attests to it's global success.  I bought this book after attending a seminar here that has been ongoing for a few years now, the participants meet monthly and the speaker doesn't get paid.  The proceeds of the small cost to attend go to the rental of the room and the food.  

In the book there are daily exercises aiming to dissolve mental barriers and unlock one's hidden vast power.    I am not doing the exercises, maybe I will commit to them but for now I just glance at them from time to time.  Presently, I am more interested in the theory of it all and believe me it is very impressive, I find it difficult to consider that a human mind conceived of this content because it truly goes deeper than anything I've ever read.  The author of the book is not listed on the binding.  I am told that the person that sourced it is deceased now, instead of her name the source of the publication is listed as "The Foundation for Inner Peace".  From what I've learned at the seminar, this book was actually dictated and not authored.  To be precise the woman that wrote it channeled messages from another realm.  Personally, I am skeptical of this but the more I read, the more amazed I am of its cogency and accuracy.  And so I suspend my disbelief and continue to read, and continue to learn.  I do think this book and I were destined to meet.  

Oh, and if you believe the claim then the actual author of this book lived and died thousands of years ago.  And you probably know him.  

Faltering light

Still no guidance... nothing substantial has developed yet in my life and as far as my inner growth and expansion is concerned it seems that too is stalled.  Profession wise the training that I've intended to take is not available yet in this region and there is no clear indication of when it shall be.  I am told that the training should be available soon, in a month I think.  The interview that I hoped would lead to a job... did not.

I should have knocked on wood when I boasted in a previous post that I can't remember the last time I've been bored.  Now I can - it was last night, and the day before and if I'm not mistaken there was some of that the day before it too.  But is it really boredom or is it avoidance of the frustration that I now carry.  Perhaps I am avoiding time alone with myself and my mind is calling it boredom; and so rather than deal with the issue(s) haunting me sub-consciously I look for social distractions instead.  

Last night I declined a dinner invitation, instead I stayed at home to confront this rising tide of negativity that is dimming my light.  And so I Ascended and shed a substantial portion of this weight, by the end of the session my Godmother text messaged me to inquire about me.  I could not help being slightly amazed at the timing of her message.

Is this the extent of the Bright Path?  These days as the blissful months prior to my arrival here in Malaysia stretch farther away in my memory, I find myself being re-hooked more strongly into 'The Dream of the Planet' - a term the Ancient Toltecs used to describe our false version of reality which is a collective dream of billions of smaller, personal dreams that the humans before us created and each generation perpetuates.  The Ancients believed we dream with our brain awake, and so our minds dream twenty-four hours a day.  In the book The Four Agreements, don Miguel Ruiz attributes the source of our limiting beliefs to this dream state.  He says from birth we were domesticated, first by our parents through punishment and reward.  And though we rebelled against the beliefs we were not strong enough to win the rebellion and we surrendered to these beliefs with our agreement and thus dream society's dream also.  The belief system is the Book of Laws that rules our personal dream.

Yesterday I encountered some new music that moved me strongly, listening to it it seemed my eyes were opened and for a moment I awoke from my dream.  As my mind quietened, time slowed and doorways within me reopened.  I wondered with gratitude, how long has it been since I've been this reassured of the reality I seek?  

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

A rough period

Yesterday I returned from having spent the last 3 days in Singapore - the Garden City.  I took a bus to Singapore to spend time with my bro along with my parents.  We decided to all meet in honor of his turning 35 years old on August 11th.  Singapore is a pretty city, I have not seen as many trees aesthetically utilized to accentuate and characterize urban living.  I've been here many times before but have not appreciated the trees this way.  Maybe they are bigger and hence more observable or perhaps my eyes are more open.  I shouldn't compare the two cities but I will... two things strike me immediately crossing the border between Malaysia and Singapore.  I've mentioned the first, the second is the fresh clean appearance of the well maintained buildings.  In Malaysia, it is rare that you find anything built well maintained, in Singapore it is the norm.  That is a typical distinction between a developed nation and one that is not.  

I was only there for 3 days, hardly enough time to form a more qualified, broader opinion of a life there.  Yet my immediate impression of the people... I did not find Singaporeans friendly.  It seems that eye contact is taboo in this city, as is expressing your true feelings.  But then again, it seems that wearing your heart on your sleeve is generally avoided in urban societies.  We are conditioned to wear a mask or risk looking the fool.  

Yet yesterday someone reached out and connected with me in an open and heartfelt way when I needed it badly.  The past 2 days have been very rough for me, I've been doubting everything I know about God and simply loathing myself.  Usually I don't sink this low because I find solace in my belief that a kind God is listening, this time I felt utterly alone and abandoned.  In short, the dark part of my mind was having free reign over my spirit, there was only the feeling of a complete failure in every aspect.  Admonishing myself for leaving my life in California behind and gaining nothing in return.  "All I wanted was a closer relationship with you, but why do you make those who love you and seek you in earnest suffer the most??", let me return to ignorance, let us be strangers if that is the surest path to bliss.  

So yesterday evening as I was walking through the mall here in Midvalley with this defeated spirit of mine, a stranger looked at me as I was passing and gave me a brilliant smile.  Smiles are a rarity in this city, and this one was like stumbling upon a large diamond.  Whoever you are I do so appreciate your courage and huge contribution to me, thank you.  If this is how strangers react to smiles, then I ought to make it a point to smile to at least one stranger a day because it can really transform someone's world in an instant.  When we reach out with a smile we risk rejection, and that dark part of my mind that says you're not worthy is constantly looking for affirmation.  But I've been shown the impact of a smile, and I will create new worlds with mine.    

Ok, well... temporary new worlds.  My dark self returned and reached it's lowest point last night as I was falling asleep.  The other thing that can swing a mood perhaps more surely than a smile is a good night's rest.  This morning I woke up and with renewed energy I feel once again capable of achieving.

Friday, August 8, 2008

A fierce combatant

In the night I dreamt an enduring dream.  I was battling fiercely with a fearsome fighter of superior caliber.  I did not know this fierce combatant nor did I know why we were fighting other than I sensed that he was in my way.  For a long time we were engaged in a furious flurry of sharp blows, parries and counter-strikes.  Despite my best attempts I could not outwit nor hurt my opponent, I realized with mounting dread that this fighter was far superior.  Actually, this was no mere mortal I was fighting, he seemed to be some sort of deity.  My intensity waned as I tired, in a last ditch effort I threw everything I had at my opponent with fierce vigor, yet to my dismay every single strike was masterfully deflected.  Drained of my offensive spirit, I then resigned to simply defend myself.  As I ran out of fresh ideas I grew desperate, "how do I defeat this opponent???  Every tactic is futile".  In response the crazy answer instantly flashed in my mind; and as his arm thrust at me in mid-strike I simply dropped my arms in surrender bracing for the blow.  It never came.  When I opened my eyes I saw myself alone with my way now unimpeded.  That is when I awoke.  

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Back to Basics

Today I took a train to spend the day with my aunt, uncle and cousins.  My aunt babysits on the side for the local residents of the apartment complex here.  Some of whom are quite belligerent being on the resident committee.  Outside on the common patio where some of them are having an impromptu gathering I can hear the impassioned discussion of action items to take against the management and it sounds like a rallying cry for a Jihad.  I decide to distance myself from the group and sit here in the living room with laptop and some down tempo music.  

One thing I enjoy about coming here is the re-immersion into the regular family life of which I surrendered in large part 17 years ago when I moved to Canada without my family.  Today I sat down with a family at a dining table, conversed about mundane topics, watched some television, made friends with the neighbors 7 year old daughter and got better acquainted with my cousin Rynna's 2 month old baby boy - Raiedy.  

For 10 minutes I sat on the bed and put on my friendliest face for my newest relation; in return Raiedy put on an award winning display of baby charm, easily winning my heart over with his jerky arm and leg motions that seemed to serve absolutely no purpose.  During this session, Raiedy also showed me a technique of making someone fall in love simply by grasping their finger and making cooing sounds.  Though very useful, I undoubtedly shall have to practice that one repeatedly.  Was I ever as yielding and assuredly worthy of love as this little fearless warrior?  

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

A Break from the City

This past weekend I got away from the bubble that I'm been confined to known as MidValley City.  

I went to this place:


with this bunch: 

18 Malaysians, one French guy and me ( I don't know what I am ).

I got a ride with 3 of the guys who were smokers.  In fact, of the entire group only 4 of us weren't smokers.  Such are the statistics here in Malaysia, well especially in the urban areas.  Nevertheless the air quality was really only an issue in the car, once the we departed the city and the air took on that heady sweet aroma of nature I started to feel a surge in my soul.  

The size of the group made it less than ideal to be a bonding intimate nature experience but on the other hand it allowed me to meet a bunch of new people who know how to let loose and get crazy.  Personally I would have preferred to separate the two occurrences but I enjoyed myself anyways.  There was nothing to deny me the opportunity to sneak away once in awhile and Ascend by the swimming pool or chill with my iPod under a canopy of trees.  

I was invited on this trip by Mervin, I met Mervin in Barcelona in May.  He's Malaysian and was passing through Spain.  Before arriving in Spain I had arranged to meet an old church friend of mine Bernardin whom I had not seen in 17 years but through the wonder of Facebook had become reacquainted with.  She had moved to Italy since she had married an Italian man.  Like me she too has an adventurous spirit and is on a spiritual path of her own.  When she heard I was passing through Barcelona she made plans to meet me in Barcelona and it was her that introduced me to Mervin a former colleague of hers from years ago. 

An interesting thing occurred on the day we left for the trip.  I had not known this but Mervin planned for us to hike to Kuala Kubu Baru waterfalls.  It is about an hour hike to this special place, the falls are quite spectacular and I never knew that the region had such natural treasures.  The energy at this place is also unique, it is a good place to meditate.  The local Ascenders that I met here recently rave about this place and we meant to organize a trip there.  Well, when Mervin and the 20 of us arrived there I was amazed to see at the precise moment of our arrival by car a couple of the Ascenders there about to start their hike with their families.  What a fantastic precisely timed orchestration to allow us to effortlessly congregate here!!  

The overall highlight of the weekend was hiking back from KKB falls.  Since there were 6 river crossings to get there, I was quite soaked upon my arrival so on the way back a couple of guys and me decided to walk in the river back.  It made the trip a heck of a lot of fun, I rode the rapids on my back and got banged up a little but it was a wild experience and I was completely absorbed in the thrill of it.  

Right now my direction in the next couple of months is hinging on the outcome of an interview with a company I'm interested in working with here.  If that doesn't come to fruition then I'm looking at New Zealand next.  I can see myself working there for 2 years.  NZ to me seems like Canada but in the South.  And I miss having the grand outdoors nearby.  I would get back into mountaineering, backpacking, camping and climbing.  This past weekend there was a 4 page spread in the newspapers here about moving to New Zealand.  I took it as another nudge from the Big Guy.  Oh and by yet another divine orchestration, Mervin and I both happen to know the same friend in New Zealand.  What are the chances that the one person we know in New Zealand would be the same one?  Her sister was part of the group of 20.