The Law of Attraction

Growing up, I never thought I'd be unmarried at my age. But the future has a way of eluding our imagination. I don't feel much unease about being unmarried, instead I am grateful for the greater opportunity to learn about relationships between men and women or the masculine and feminine. And believe me, how my opinions have evolved over the years as I go through my experiences. I will reserve these findings for another post.

For most of my life I've felt the urge to avoid loneliness, maybe I still do and instead the loneliness is being replaced by aloneness. For these days I feel the aloneness as a gift, particularly when I am in true pursuit of my highest calling or simply put enlightened knowing. In my heart I know that she and I will meet. For it would be quite tragic to go through all this inner work without sharing with someone the fruits of a fearless love. In truth, my desire for that higher place attainable by two hearts has been some of the impetus for The Bright Path.

As a child I remember my desire for that intense union with the feminine. A heady yearning of an young eager untarnished heart enflamed by enchantment spun by pop songs on the radio. As night I would dream as I listened to the songs carried by vivid imagery - the long goodbye at the train station in summer rain, the dizzying first kiss outside the dance hall as the music plays, on a blanket on a grassy knoll undressing her on a sunny spring day and the warm breeze carrying the scent of lilac... I've known the scent of her hair, smell of her skin etc. so many times. Gradually that dream turned into fantasy as I stumbled through my relationships; and then eventually the fantasy too was forgotten, overshadowed by the belief that I was not worthy of Her.

So I've felt I've needed to clean up some things inside, believe once again in my worthiness. It cannot be found until I've at least liked who I am, and dare I say love who I am. And so, this has been the focus of the work of removing the fears and limiting beliefs. From the outside nothing much has changed about my life, yet on the inside I feel as though mountains have shifted. The fears are diminished, the inner Judge rebuked and the inner child awakened. For as long as I can remember, only now I feel attractive. I am worthy, I can feel it because at last I believe it. Wait for me, I will find you.