Chinese New Year, happy for some

Today is the eve of both Valentines Day and Chinese New Year. This year the astrology is such for these events coincide. There are four days off beginning today, the city has wound down as many in the city have returned to their places of origin as the Chinese families reunite. It is a sort of Thanksgiving but for the Chinese. It is nice to observe the family outings at this time of year, you will tend to see multiple generations of a family mingling; the elders will be out and about and often dressed in traditional attire, being assisted by the younger family members.

I have opted to stay in the city and cherish the more sedentary pace, the downtempo is a rare treasure. And this year my older brother, sister-in-law and mother are here in KL. My younger brother is too far to make the journey and my father's plans to be here were thwarted by last minute work demands. This year once again I shall not romance anyone on this important day for lovers, and this is not for any want of willing companions. Instead I have decided to take my mother out for Valentine's Day for the first time. I hate to see my mother alone for this day.

Actually, what inspires this post is a friend and co-worker of mine whom I had written about 4 months ago when her father passed away. Today I received news from her that on the eve of the celebration of the New Year, her sister was found dead in her room. In customary fashion, I grasped for words of consolation and wisdom but I this time the words felt meaningless and I felt somewhat hollow. What's the point of repeating something said before, and does she really need to hear the same remarks from someone so removed from the frequency and magnitude of her losses. For me it was a reminder that there is suffering that cannot be avoided and you can't even assume that it would be kind enough to wait for you to get on your feet from the first knock down. Dare I offer the reason for another loss was that she hadn't yet learned to cherish her loved ones, it would seem a slap in the face. Nay, there is no enlightenment nor any reasoning that lightens the burden of this bereavement.

This is what I text messaged her as she drove through tears back to her hometown, battling the brutal traffic delays. I do not attempt to beguile you of your bereavement but I offer these words for these are the words I speak from my heart and I would want to hear spoken when the day comes that my own loved one is wrenched from this lifetime:

"You can't make sense of the timings of these events. It's really fucked up from our point of view to go through this amount of grief but when we leave this life we shall know that truly our tears fall only for the living. And when we see how temporal each life is in the scheme of eternity we will smile. And when we find that what we had lost was always there we will rejoice.

Go through your pain with your family for now, I promise you will smile again. Hugs"