Today I hate the world. I am tired and the bitterness is fueled by unmet expectations; risks and efforts undertaken over time that yield no results. My only accomplishment is accomplishing nothing. I find myself completely ineffectual in every endeavor I don't want to try anymore I'm done lifting my head up. Why not conserve energy and be idle, the destination is the same. I rage against the strings attached to my limbs, I do not wish to play anymore. The puppeteer looks malevolent, and delights in my suffering taking me through the paces of a fool. Who is the puppeteer and where are these strings attached? Of course the self-help gurus will point out it is my mind, but my spirit is losing ground and there are no allies in the battlefield within myself. The enemy wears many faces; he is too dominant and the attacks are relentless. On the outside I face a world that tells me over and over again that I am the one dreaming, not them. I want to start over, where is the reset button? Let me retake the tests, I know the answers now.
I started this Blog a year ago to color my world in a pleasing way; but the brighter shades have run out, there are only dark grey pencils left in the box.
5 comments:
Oh, my!
I often pop over to read your blog, and to be honest I find it hard to leave a comment, I suppose because it is more like a travelogue. Though I am interested in the places you describe, I don't know what to comment to add to things.
You sound so fed up today, I felt compelled to comment now.
Whatever/whoever it is that is bugging you, don't take feint heart, for your own sake.
Just know that some little unimportant person over in the UK is concerned.
Love Granny
You know you have all the necessary talent and strength to bring back the joyful colours.
And you write beautifully. You paint a thousand colours with your words.
You are a survival.
No one can puppet someone else around if there's no will in a heart to comply!
Thank you all, I am a little ashamed to post the entry but I felt it was right to do. I can't only put the good stuff, it wouldn't be honest.
I guess there are allies after all.
i actually admire you for being able to travel around to see the world and experience life in many countries, it's a big accomplishment to me as i can only dream about it.
well, maybe learn to give full heartedly might make you feel better.
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