The Reluctant Messiah

Today I felt peculiar. There is an anger that I have been deceived all my life it became apparent to me at a point in time when I moved a step closer to the Truth.  The Truth that we're capable of performing miracles and it was tantalizing yet scary. I felt the burden of responsibility shift towards me and I hesitated, I feared the possibilities. If I discover the Truth and learn that we are so close and that it requires nothing nor effort, can I forgive myself for denying myself in all the years of ignorance and what will then be the limitations where shall the boundaries be? It would be chaos. Somehow I crave the limitations on my abilities, it makes me feel secure in my and absolves me of responsibility, it is comfortable. And even if I were willing to stake claim to my limitless power as  co-creator then finally I must address the final question upon my conscience - how dare I?

With this revelation today I understood why we kill our Messiahs.  

Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there.

What you choose to do with them is up to you.   -  Richard Bach

Impeccable Words

"Although you appear in earthly form, your essence is pure Consciousness.  You are the fearless guardian of Divine Light.  When you lose all sense of self, the bonds of a thousand chains will vanish.  Lose yourself completely. " 

"Why are you so enchanted with this world when a gold mine lies within you?  Open your eyes and come - Return to the root of your own soul."

- Rumi

There are no ordinary moments

Today once again I sent a text message to my Godmother and she said she was just thinking of me.  :)

It's been 3 and a half months since I've been employed.  I'm wondering with each day what is ahead for me.  I seem to be living a misplaced existence, everyday I walk past scores of office workers because I live in a commercial district and I feel a certain surreal detachment.  Here I am unplugged from the engine of the economy with no letters or bills coming my way.  It would seem that I exist for no meaningful purpose.  I cannot deny that the urge to find employment grows as my savings shrink.  What is coming my way?  Was my hunch just a delusion?  

These days I enjoy my freedom answering to no one.  I am a sort of sannyasi.  How far can I go with this freedom?  Could I stand in a welfare line and still hold my head up high?  I thought that without a business card I would always see myself inferior to anyone with one.  Yet, I know this is not the case, I have never felt more confident in my life.  Spending 8 less hours indoors each day, my body is tanned and toned, I feel strong, light and agile, I've never felt more attractive and healthy.  

From my Ascension sessions, I've never been so in tune with life.  Little details in the scenery that used to be overlooked now elicit wonderment - the sunlight, the wind have differing character, even trees seem to beckon wanting to impart their wisdom.  In the day the sun's rays dance lightly upon me invoking joy and at night the moon instills calmness.  Life has become wondrous, in a sense it is a rebirth because things just seem new again.  I can't remember the last time I was bored.  In all honesty, it is true.  Have you seen the movie "The Way of the Peaceful Warrior"?  The catch phrase is, "There are no ordinary moments".   I used to think of the statement as an exaggeration but now I am not so certain.  This morning as I watched the sun rise above the trees I observed that perhaps there are constant lessons, messages and gifts in our lives that go unheeded.  If we were more aware of the subtleties, even if we were simply more present then we would grow and expand.  Maybe that is why the Camino was an expansion for me, I was so connected through the journey.  I gained more than words can convey.  We would live our lives less bored, there would be less routine if we were simply more connected with each moment.  We wouldn't be so quick to dismiss each situation as "been there done that".  It is not that our lives are repeating each day, rather it is our mental responses/opinions/judgments that repeat themselves and we are weary of them.  The reality remains hidden. 

I have never been more faithful in my life.  An enlightened man once said, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven, and all else shall be added unto you."  I have been living this creed for the past few months.  I will wait a few more weeks, if no guidance is forthcoming then it shall be time to find work.  

Long Life To You My Friend

For the past 10 months I have been Ascending daily.  From the outside it looks like meditation but it is actually much simpler than meditation.  I spend about 40 mins daily doing this twice a day.  What occurs the longer you Ascend is that your consciousness expands and you become more connected with... the powers that be?  God?  Brahman?  the Universe?  Elohim?  There are many labels but if it weren't for this loving supreme intelligence I would have been too crazy to give up my comfortable life in California.  

Since Ascending I've been having seemingly extraordinary events such as intuitively knowing when my phone is about to ring and picking it up in my hand a second or two before it actually does.  

This week I've been hearing my friends and relatives exclaim "Wow, Long Life" more times than ever before, meaning that they were thinking of me that instant I phoned or walked in the door.  Either it's the new cool catchy greeting everyone is now using in place of "Whaaaasssssssssssuuuuuuuup????" or I'm just so likable that everyone constantly thinks of me or I am somehow plugging into some sort of universal stream of consciousness.  

Open your hand to receive

There's a book that I've adored since I read it.  I think this book is the most profound treatise on existentialism that I've ever read.  All the fundamental questions of our existence are dealt with quite soundly, in its words one can discern a sort of guiding compass for one's Bright Path of discovery.  I valued it as a reference to the point that I was afraid of parting with it, but I did anyways last week because I lent it to my Dad.  Since then  I've never had so many books lent to me in such a short time.  And these are books that greatly interest me!  It is true that it is difficult to receive when your hand is busy clutching onto something.  

Anyways, here are the books that have come my way in the past few days:

• First Thunder An Adventure of Discovery - MSI
  
• Open Mind, Open Heart The Contemplative Dimension of the Gospel - Thomas Keating
  
• Evolution's End Claiming the Potential of our Intelligence - Joseph Chilton Pearce
  
• The Four Agreements A Toltec Wisdom Book - Don Miguel Ruiz 
  

"The secret is not to be found in the answer, the secret is to be found in the mystery".  

Batik from the heart

Ok it's time to end the drought and post an entry on this Blog.  I've been staying here in Malaysia for over a month now and I realize I should not wait for a monumental event or revelation to hit me so I have something to write about.  So I'll write about nothing... because nothing is still something.  

What I miss most living here the past few weeks is the tranquil embrace of nature.  This apartment is situated next to the city and walking through the mall across the street makes me feel like an electron battling it's way against the current in a closed circuit due to the sheer number of people that I weave my way through.  At the end of it I tend to shift to an agitated state of energy, certainly not as grounded.  On the other hand, Nature loves unconditionally. 

Last night I met a man in his late 40's who had left the city and moved closer to Nature since his wife and soulmate passed away unexpectedly nine years ago.  He's a Batik designer who now lives close to aborigines of Malaysia in the forest.  There he dyes fabrics on his own.  He used to run a successful business with his wife creating batik clothing.  She was the fashion designer and he was the artist.  She was the canvas and he was the paint, the colorful patterns they created together was adored by many.  When she passed away, he lost his soulmate and business partner.  The business was dissolved, his home was sold and he retreated into the wilderness in a depression.  The past few years of isolation in Nature was his therapy.

He had brought with him a plastic bag and in it were 3 articles of clothing that someone had originally intended to discard, he had applied his skillful batik techniques to transform and disguise the offending stains.  The end result was an entirely different garment and quite beautiful.  This was his new business and he called it "I dye for you".  

I was moved by the way he spoke of his wife.  Since then he had dated a few women but each affair was brief.  It seemed that he had resigned himself to a solitary existence, there was still unhealed grief.  I thought of my previous post about Soulmates, I told him there is more than one Soulmate for each of us.  Another one is out there.  "It was hard enough finding her", he said.  I objected and I wanted to change his belief to help him, but I couldn't because inside I shared it.