It's been 3 and a half months since I've been employed. I'm wondering with each day what is ahead for me. I seem to be living a misplaced existence, everyday I walk past scores of office workers because I live in a commercial district and I feel a certain surreal detachment. Here I am unplugged from the engine of the economy with no letters or bills coming my way. It would seem that I exist for no meaningful purpose. I cannot deny that the urge to find employment grows as my savings shrink. What is coming my way? Was my hunch just a delusion?
These days I enjoy my freedom answering to no one. I am a sort of sannyasi. How far can I go with this freedom? Could I stand in a welfare line and still hold my head up high? I thought that without a business card I would always see myself inferior to anyone with one. Yet, I know this is not the case, I have never felt more confident in my life. Spending 8 less hours indoors each day, my body is tanned and toned, I feel strong, light and agile, I've never felt more attractive and healthy.
From my Ascension sessions, I've never been so in tune with life. Little details in the scenery that used to be overlooked now elicit wonderment - the sunlight, the wind have differing character, even trees seem to beckon wanting to impart their wisdom. In the day the sun's rays dance lightly upon me invoking joy and at night the moon instills calmness. Life has become wondrous, in a sense it is a rebirth because things just seem new again. I can't remember the last time I was bored. In all honesty, it is true. Have you seen the movie "The Way of the Peaceful Warrior"? The catch phrase is, "There are no ordinary moments". I used to think of the statement as an exaggeration but now I am not so certain. This morning as I watched the sun rise above the trees I observed that perhaps there are constant lessons, messages and gifts in our lives that go unheeded. If we were more aware of the subtleties, even if we were simply more present then we would grow and expand. Maybe that is why the Camino was an expansion for me, I was so connected through the journey. I gained more than words can convey. We would live our lives less bored, there would be less routine if we were simply more connected with each moment. We wouldn't be so quick to dismiss each situation as "been there done that". It is not that our lives are repeating each day, rather it is our mental responses/opinions/judgments that repeat themselves and we are weary of them. The reality remains hidden.
I have never been more faithful in my life. An enlightened man once said, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven, and all else shall be added unto you." I have been living this creed for the past few months. I will wait a few more weeks, if no guidance is forthcoming then it shall be time to find work.
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