Upheaval

After many, many months of routine living, patiently biding my time... I find myself in another upheaval. Ever since I learned of my imminent move to Sydney, I've noticed changes:

1. When I am present in the moment, the physical world around me seems to be recast in a new light of seeing. There seems to be an aliveness in even inanimate objects; it is as though everything I see is saying goodbye in a subtle manner. Maybe it is a knowing that I cannot any longer take the things around me for granted for soon they shall change.

2. I have been struggling a bit with relationships, suddenly questioning the true nature of each. My mind tends to want to dismiss them as being superficial, maybe it is a way of avoiding the pain of saying goodbye.

3. Events have been happening in a blur, I have not grounded for days and I have not been Ascending nor practicing Tai Chi. It's been quite stressful and I know the look on my face most of the time is grim.

Now that I am sitting here in the airport departure lounge I have become pensive and contemplate the crossroads that I have come to again. I am going to the US for 3 weeks, then back to Malaysia for one week then... onto Sydney for a permanent position. I see Australians around me here in the departure terminal and I wonder how the interaction with them will be compared to Californians and Canadians. But at the same time, I feel as Santiago - the Andalucian Shepherd Boy. Am I on the path of my Personal Legend? I believe so.

Seeking encouragement, I have bought the book 'The Fifth Mountain' by Paulo Coelho at the bookstore in the departure lounge. It is a tale of Elijah in the ninth century BC, and seems to be about enduring faith to triumph. I spent a while in there picking up and replacing many books before the one that felt right was found. I suppose I need to be reminded of magic, adventure and fulfillment of dreams, I have been fearful and anxious lately. It is not a feeling I am accustomed to, but one that tends to enshroud me when I spend time with my parents who constantly spin words of caution and end up injecting negativity. It could be also I am more susceptible to such, I have not slept properly in many many many nights... I will make it a top priority to find myself the ideal mattress in Sydney.