A gift that touches

Yesterday I was moved quite a bit by a friend of mine named S. I believe that the very best friends are the ones that by an action of theirs can punch through the walls of your limiting self-beliefs and self-worth. The impact can leave your mind reeling for a few seconds and in that moment you feel vulnerable. This moment has the emotional impact of a tsunami because it surmounts the walls we've erected around our hearts and in doing so it dislodges some of the negative impressions of oneself, basically it carries out some of the trash we've accumulated about who we think we are.

My friends are chosen carefully because I do enough harm to myself with my mind's harsh judgements and unrealistic demands of myself, I've piled enough trash within my walls on my own. And yes there are people out there with more 'junk in their trunk' who are eager albeit unwittingly to heap some of it your way. So I am critical about who I spend time with. There have been people in my life that I've judged wrongly, I've thought they were out to bring me down and I've taken things personally to the detriment of the relationship. It is a consequence of my own self-importance that discolors and clouds my judgements. It seems the nearest emotion to latch onto tends to be resentment, particularly the more we've vested with someone. I am tired of my mind being wrong about the people I am close to, I want to see more clearly.

Yesterday's incident showed me that there is far more beauty in us than my eyes tend to see, there is far more that wants to cross the space between each other, nay even hungers to bond... yet I stand afar at arm's length because it is safer to care less. This is one of the reasons I strive to be more fearless.

This is the book that she made:



And in it are recollections of the times I've spent with her, little incidences that I can barely recall myself. Yet they've made an impression on her.