We are Mirrors

In my tennis circle is a man whom I get coaching from regularly, his name is A. I enjoy his company, he is an easy going person and has a lot of tennis knowledge to share. From time to time, I play tennis with another woman named L at a different court. When I told L that I'd been coaching with A she remarked that her coach T told her that the other tennis coaches don't like A, he's very arrogant, keeps to himself has a bad reputation etc.

I had lunch with A one day after practice, things were going amicably until I mentioned that I knew coach T whereupon the conversation shifted to lambasting T's reputation for a long duration. I was bemused to see just how deeply A's dislike of T ran, they had known each other for 20 years and clearly there was a long ongoing rift between them. What I found astounding was that the litany of complaints A had against T were precisely the same ones as I had heard from T (indirectly through L) about A, plus a few more grievances. It was not a pleasant experience. I also recognized that a couple of extra grievances A held against T about on court behaviour were directly observed by me about A himself. It dawned on me that these two coaches were mirroring each other to a significant degree. If I were to point that out to either one of them, I'm quite certain they would be offended to hear about the comparison to the other.

Sages believe that what we cannot see clearly in ourselves is what we most often see in others. We dislike and judge the aspects in others that we dislike and judge the most in ourselves. What we see is what we project, therefore everyone we see and meet is a mirror for us to learn about ourselves. I recently read this and until that conversation I had not seen the truth of it so keenly.